It Happened to Harry

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This was a story I wrote back in 2003 to a friend's son. I went to a party at their house with grownup and wound up playing with the kids and enjoying them more. I do realize this makes me childish, for which I am eternally grateful to Harry and his sister Emma.


It just so happened that Harry was swinging under the Big Tree in his yard when it happened. When a bunch of things started to happen to Harry that maybe wasn’t such a big deal one at a time. But added together, bing, bang, boom, WOW!, it just didn’t seem possible. I mean, this may be really hard for you to believe. You may not believe ANY of it, but it all happened. It happened to Harry.

Harry was swinging on his favorite swing set in his favorite backyard. In fact, it was his ONLY swing set, but it was still his favorite. And it was HIS backyard.

Harry was swinging for the sun. He was reaching way back and pumping with all his might and kicking out at the sun. If he could just touch it, maybe it would let the yolk out, all gooey and yucky, the light would go out of the sky, and Harry would need a flashlight just to go to school every day.

Of course he never actually kicked the sun, and he was way too smart to BELIEVE he could kick the sun, but it was fun pretending that maybe he could. So he kicked hard, and swung hard and high for the sky. And the sun.

And that’s when it happened.

One single drop of water fell from one single leaf on the one single tree that the swing was under. And that drop of water fell right onto Harry’s hand, exactly at the moment when he was starting to go up into a stupendously high swing, all the way to the sun. And the drop of water made Harry’s hand slippery and wet.

And that’s when it happened.

Harry’s hand slipped off the chain and he flew out of the swing and straight up into the air. It was amazing. It was stupendous. And it happened so fast Harry didn’t have time to be scared. He yelled, “Weeeeeeeeeeeeee.” He flew up to the top of the tree and above it. And he was STILL going up.

And that’s when it happened.

Oh, sure, you may say it’s not true, or it didn’t happen, but I tell you that it happened just like it says. A Giant California Condor, recently escaped from the zoo, just happened to be flying by at the EXACT moment that Harry went zooming up into the sky. And the Condor just happened to be in the exact path of Harry the Human Cannonball. And so the Condor did the right thing and caught Harry in its huge Giant Condor talons and held him tight. Instinct made him do it.

Now the Condor had no intention of eating Harry, but it was so surprised by the attack of the Flying Harry that it just flew along with him for a little while, wondering what to do. Harry watched as his house flew away below him. Then came the dock, and the water. The Condor’s talons hurt a little, but Harry wasn’t even afraid, and he yelled out, “WOWWWWWW! I’m flyINNNNNNNGGGGGGG!,” at the top of his lungs.

And that’s when it happened.

When Harry yelled, the Condor was scared, and dropped Harry as quick as he could. Harry fell down towards the water. And landed in the back of a fishing boat that just happened to be crossing the exact spot on the river where Harry fell. Can you believe it? He fell into a big pile of old fishing nets that tangled and covered him up, and smelled like old fish and crabs. “Oh GROSS,” said Harry, “this stuff stinks. HELP, HELP, is anyone there?”

The fishermen were there, or course, but they were in the wheelhouse driving the boat, and couldn’t hear Harry over the sound of the engines. So Harry the Human Cannonball became Harry the Human Net and sat back and enjoyed the trip out to the bay. Once they arrived, they quickly dragged the net, with Harry still attached, behind the boat and into the water.

Harry was a goner for sure, and he struggled to get out of the net. But it was wrapped around him really tight, and so he just did his best to keep his head above water, choking and trying to get free from the net.

And that’s when it happened.

Because at precisely that moment, a nuclear powered submarine from Norfolk Naval base made an emergency ascent right in the middle of the fishing net, and right under Harry. Harry was lifted out of the water by the gigantic deck of the sub. He couldn’t believe it, and you probably won’t either. But it’s all true, I tell you. Cross my heart and hope to spy.

The reason that the sub had surfaced was a malfunction in one of the missile tubes. Water was flooding the tube and the missile needed to be removed in order to repair and seal the tube. It was an EMERGENCY. Oh, did I mention that the missile tube just happened to be directly under Harry and the fishing net?

And that’s when it happened.

The door of the missile tube next to Harry opened and steam came out with a loud hissing noise. With a loud rumbling sound, the nose of the missile began to slowly rise out of the tube. And into the net. With Harry still attached. The net was not going to stop THIS fish, and the missile continued its liftoff, and Harry was lifted off the sub, once again flying through the air.

“What next?,” thought Harry, “What next?”

The missile climbed higher and higher, faster and faster. And Harry could see the whole bay, could see his house, far below, along with thousands of other houses, all getting smaller, and smaller, and smaller.

And that’s when it happened.

Inside the missile, a small computer received a message from the sub: ABORT, ABORT, ABORT! Which means stop, stop stop. The nose of the missile separated from the rest of the body and started to fall back down to the earth. With the net, and Harry, still attached. Just when Harry thought he was a goner, just when he thought that his luck had finally run out and he would SPLAT onto the ground, POOF!, a parachute popped out of the missile nose cone and spread across the sky above Harry. And he began to come down nice and slowly, just the way he wanted.

The wind blew Harry south, away from the water, and towards a bunch of houses. Houses that began to look familiar to Harry. Could it be? Yes! Harry was drifting right down into his neighborhood, and it looked like he was going to land right in his own yard. How cool is that!

And that’s when it happened.

Harry got stuck in the tree, the big tree that dropped the water onto his hand a long time ago. Lucky for Harry, the net began to unroll, dropping Harry slowly down to the ground, and right into the very swing this whole story had started on quite a while ago. Can you believe it? How amazing is THAT?! Somebody should write this down!

It all happened to Harry in May of 2003, and if you don’t believe me, go ask your mother, or your father.

So what ever happened to Harry, you ask? Oh, he’s fine. After he came back down to earth, Harry ran inside and dragged his parents and sister Emma out to the big tree and showed them the missile, still stuck in the fishing net and hanging from the Big Tree. He told them what had happened to him. The swing and the water drop and the Condor and the fishing boat and the submarine and the missile and back to the swing. Phew!

And that’s when it happened.

They believed him.

Because it all really happened to Harry.

The End.