Capernaum Camp 2007

by Cletus Cowpie

photos by Richard Wiltse

Well Sir, or Mam, or Sugar Cookie or Doodle Bug or Booger Head,

It don't matter who you are one bit, cause God sure does love you all just the same and even way down under yer skin, below the meanest greenest parts of you, all hidden and hurt. Shoot fire, just go on and show him the things he already sees and he'll burn that right out of you like a laser death ray. Only you won't die like on one a them late night scary movies that makes yer hair stand up and run fer it.

Like I was sayin', this here story is fer all a you fine folks who takes a mind an a couple a eyeballs to gander at it. I'm sittin' here starin' out at the marsh grass stretchin' all the way out across Back Back and right on to the edge of God's porch. I think he just waved at me and then he blew a kiss that smacked me right off my rocker.

Sometimes when God loves on ya it feels pretty strong and can knock you right off yer feet, yer head just about like a spinnin' wheel and them cartoon birdies tweeting right in front of yer eyes. Then you realize that you feel like you just won the lottery and you can't stop smilin' on account of the fact that yer big Daddy just showed and blowed his love all over you, like a spring wind that carries with it the smell of new life.

Speakin' of new life....

I was plum lucky enough to go on the trip to Rockbridge with them fine folks from Capernaum. I sure do like them folks, because they just about took me in like I was family and been livin' with them all they lives. They don't care one bit about my buck teeth or my funny way a talkin' and my Back Bay clothes. I reckon bein' around them is about as close to heaven as a man could hanker. And if this is heaven then that means that God's Kingdom done come on down here amidst us.

Ain't that what he told us?

And if God's the King and our Daddy, then guess what? We're his princes and princesses, right royal people all the way down to our toes and inside to the middle of our beatin' hearts. He got a house built right there on the shores of our souls and he aims to live there too, if we just mind to keep it clean for him and invite him on in. Well, are ya gonna invite him in?

Well Sir and Sally May, we loaded ourselves up them two buses last Monday, fit to bust and ready to rumble all the way to the place where God done built hisself a palace and us his honored guests, with invitations written plain as day on our hearts and faces. Cain't you see 'em?

Well now, the girls had themselves a bright shiny and brand spankin' new bus to ride in. Their air conditionin' was finer than Caroliner, they seats was just dicey and nicey and felt like fallin' asleep fine. They bathroom was fit fer a Queen, wide and ready to accept all God's people. They microphone was ready and workin'. Shoot fire, the girls' bus was just about as perfect as a bus could be, in spite of them girl cooties spread all over the insides. That stuff is sure hard to wash off.

Now don't tell them fellers on the boys bus, but I like it when I get a bit a girl cooties on me. Kinda makes me feel like I got myself a sprinkle of pretty flowers and cookies on me. Mmmm. Hey, now don't tell, or I'm a goner amongst them boys!

But then there was the boys bus.

Shoot, seems like that there was a Capernaum bus, and that sucker was right disabled. It was first off older than dirt, kinda ratty and fallin' apart. The microphone didn't work, which meant that old John and Jim had to yell like banshees whenever they needed to talk to their boys. We couldn't use the front seat on account of the AC sendin' down rivers of condensation (fancy talk for water) down from above. Then there was the toilet. It didn't work and was filled all the way to the top with standing water. Now tell me exactly how water stands? Shoot, ain't got no legs. So let's just say that there water was sittin' there, tippy top full, sloshin' around like a hurricane, ready to suck in any dumb head who tried to take a seat there.

But guess what (everyone say WHAT?)?

Them boys didn't care much that they got hot and had to hold onto Number One and Number Two fer a while. They was just happy as can be to be on the road to visit the King and could not wait to cross that rock bridge fer the party they knew was about to happen, and them the guests of honor and what not. We stopped in Hampton and got the toilet and microphone fixed. Had to live with the bad AC, but God took mercy on us and it came back to life bout half way through the trip. Our very own Lazarus AC, minus the wrapper.

Well sir, the first thing we did at Camp after meeting and greeting all the fine people who lived there at Rockbridge, was to meet and greet our cabins and beds. We put away our clothes and then headed over to the Dining Hall for a fine Young Life dinner. Them folks sure do know how to put on a feast, and I seen the King just a flyin' around the room, goin' in and outta hearts and fillin' us all with so much happiness we was fit to bust and pretty much did bust out with so much love and laughter that you coulda walked across the room on it.

After that was a Talent Show outside in front 'o the Spring Center, and I'm here to tell you that was some kinda show. Shoot, they was all kinds a campers comin' up to sing and dance and play and talk and all sorts a stuff. Pretty soon everyone was a dancin' and singin'. Our Kristen and Stephanie bout mopped the floor with they dance moves, which was so hot I figured that wood deck was gonna catch on fire. Then Hammy the Manny came up and sang YMCA and the crowd went nuts, but did not turn into squirrels I's happy to say. Big Man Derek did the Electric Slide and others slid into love fer each other like family.

We had lots to do and lots to go to at Camp, so much fun stuff that it would take too long to write it down and shoot, you'd be asleep and dreamin', tellin' me, "Uncle (or Aunt if you wanna poke fun at me), Uncle, we give up!" But here's the thing. Sometimes it was in between and betwixt the planned stuff of Camp that you could see the King show up in his royal clothes, justa a layin' out his love like pancakes and syrup on a fine summer mornin' when the whole day stretches out ahead of ya like a rainbow.

In between the places we were supposed to be was the places God wanted us to be, and so he walked right there along side of us and we has so much fun that our hearts exploded and went up in sparks all around camp, like sparklers on July the Four. We held hands and hearts and became family, some easy as pie, others with a kick and a scream cause they was scairt, but still wanted what was bein' served up like lamb chop by the Lamb hisself.

When you stop and ponder it, God don't want us to do but two things: love on him and each other.

Now lovin' on him can be an easy thing, what with us seeing his Kingdom all the time laid out before us like a banquet table and us the fancy pants guests 'o honor. The King was easy to see at Rockbridge, all around all the time, just about happier and finer than Caroliner, what with all his fine people come to visit and say howdy do.

Here's the other thing. People likes to say that our folks are special, but the King, why he says that ALL his people are special, each and every one of us. Don't matter to him one bit whether we walk or not, talk or not, are popular or not, are supernaturally good looking like old Cletus or not. Shoot, God don't see none of that stuff. That old boy just looks right on through the middle of that stuff like it was invisible, right on down to our heart strings and he plays them like a symphony of music that only we and he can hear. Our very own heart music, us the orchestra and the King hisself the conductor.

And guess what? (say WHAT?!)

If we go on and love on the King's people like he showed us to, then we's also lovin' on HIM just the same. Cause when we do love his people, no matter we know them or don't, if we treat them like family and reach out to them like a brother or a sister before they ever think about lovin' us back, well then we might as well be lovin' on the King hisself, and we DO love him just by lovin' his people.

Now I call that two fer the price 'o one!

Speakin' a which, down by the pool you got yerself the Blob and the Slide, both emptyin' out into the lake. The Blob is a big old floatin' balloon. One person jumps down and scoots on down to the front and waits fer his Blob Buddy to jump down and shoot him up towards heaven.

Every morning we listened to Mr. Rick Rogan talk about how God loves us so much and he wants to Blob us right straight up into his heart. Why we even got to make us some pretty plates and pillows and key chains and such, so not only did we go home with the gift of the King's love, but we had stuff we could hold on to and see. At night we had us Mr. John Wagner to tell us 'xactly WHY we was there to labor in love and serve in respect of what our Big Daddy in the Sky told us to do. Shoot, that old John and Rick, why they made things about as plain as plain can be and opened up the eyes of our hearts to new wonders and lit us up with ideas bigger than us.

Well then, they must be ideas fit fer a King to be that big.

Some 'o our Leaders put on a fine show at Entertainment Night and made us all laugh fit to bust from all the funny stuff they laid out fer us. We was all mighty proud of them and hooted and hollered out to them, our pride like a searchlight.

Funny stuff happened in the cabins at night. One night Rusty and his crew showed Hamilton how to receive and give a Pink Belly. Old Hammy screamed like a girl when they first did it to him, and then after a bit, asked them to do it again, him laughin' the whole way and givin some back too. Then Bart started gigglin' and wandered over and smacked Hammy on his big old tummy and Hammy screamed like a girl again, backing up while Bart followed him. After Rusty convince him that Bart was not trying to kill him, Hammy stood there and took it like a man.

One other night John got Turner laughing like a wild man when he demonstrated the fine art of under arm farting. But the laughing turned to screams when he then smelled his own hand and offered it up to all the boys. They ran like scairt bunnies!

Now they had themselves a fine Water Olympics. Mr. Derek Dorsch bout emptied the pool with his winning Belly Flop. The Synchronized Swimming Team was big and huge and ginormous, which I reckon is sayin' all the same thing. They was first in line and first in every way, no one even comin' close to touchin' them. Then Bobby Roye got picked to ride the Zip Line and drop a big old watermelon onto a target. That boy rode that watermelon like a stallion and made the best drop of the day.

We had us a County Fair that was fine fine fine. Them Leaders got pied and water ballooned with love over and over until they was a big fine mess 'o whipped cream and gunk, and everyone said howdy doo from a distance. Well we square danced and carried on like a fine country dance way down in the hills where town folks never go. But shoot, the townies and the homies all got mixed up and in the middle of it all, right there with the rollers and bowlers and walkers and talkers and boy oh boy did we have fun.

Why the Last Night we had us a big old Dance Party in the gym, everyone dancing up a storm, all together like family. It was fun under the sun that had already said good bye for the last time that day.

They tells me that my heart has four chambers, but I'm here to tell you that since I came back from Capernaum Camp, my heart has an extra chamber. And that chamber belongs to the King and all his people, all the good people I met and ate with, talked with and hung out with at Rockbridge. Yup, God's gotta royal chamber in my heart and I can't wait to share it again next year with all my friends in Capernaum.

So snip snap snout, this tales told out.